he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
