i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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