If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
