you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
