And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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