You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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