Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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