I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
