One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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