Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
