Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
