everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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