What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
