All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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