i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
