I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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