Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
