you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize