Swine flu. Run for my life!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
