umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
