I swear she didn't look like that last week.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize