He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
