I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
