community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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