I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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