Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
