Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
