If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
