Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They have beer where we have blood.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
