I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
