the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
