I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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