How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
