i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
