bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
