Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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