That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
