Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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