Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
