Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
