If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
