We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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