Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
