you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
