don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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