I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
