this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
