he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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