my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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