halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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