Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

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(214): View more from Texas

I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.

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(951): View more from California

All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?

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(253): View more from Washington

Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.

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(347): View more from New York

WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA

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(989): View more from Michigan

My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I would not recommend douching while drunk.

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