You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
