Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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