I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
