Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
