I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
