i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
