your thong is hanging out like whoa
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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