next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
