I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
