Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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