Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
