it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk is not a location!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
