i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
