My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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