if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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