If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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