Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
